High school reunions suck the fat one. Only a person who has never had to endure one would try to dispute this fact. I'm reminded of people who prattle on about how wonderful war is, but have never risked their neck in one.
Though it pains me to admit it, high school reunions are also useful in some ways. I won't so far as to say necessary, because when I say necessary I think of things like food, water, shelter, a functioning GI system. But let's be honest: it is pretty fun and interesting to see how everyone turned out.
I had good reason for wanting to dodge my high school reunion. Reasons, actually. Reason one, baldness. Never thought I'd be that sap whose bald, but fates a bastard, and here I am looking like some elongated cue ball. I'm also not successful. Not being super successful stinks. I'm not a screw up or anything, but everyone's got bold dreams in their youth. If I'd discovered the first living bigfoot or derived a unified theory or castrated Clinton, I still don't think I'd feel successful like I had attained enough success to justify attending my reunion.
Also, I'm kind of hoping to avoid the first three girls I screwed, when I was as awkward as an elephant on stilts.
And man I hate kids. Detest the little bastards. European kids I can handle, they are disciplined. American kids are spoiled f-ing brats. I almost need a pellet gun when I go out to eat these days to shut up all the rude brats I see. As I write this at the library, two kids are talking so loud they might as well be at a hockey game. Did not one explain the etiquette of a library to them? Were these ingrates simply released into the wild without any rearing whatsoever? Anyway, a third of a high school reunion is everyone talking about how great their kids are. Less than 1% do something great. Yet every parent tells you their kid is something special. I smell a dichotomy.
And who plans a high school reunion? Always the sort of sap who thinks they are actually cool. A sap, in other words. It is never someone cool, as they have better things to do. Thus the inherent tackiness which characterizes most high school reunions. Just once in human history, could some cool plan a high school reunion, and avoid the following pitfalls:
Classic music. A couple songs that were the rage in school is acceptable, but in general avoid the urge to play retro music. Avoid retro decorations too. Avoid yearbook pictures on nametags. Avoiding nametags would be even more ideal. High school reunions which work out well also have one paramount ingredient: plenty of cheap alcohol.
by. Terrece Scott
Though it pains me to admit it, high school reunions are also useful in some ways. I won't so far as to say necessary, because when I say necessary I think of things like food, water, shelter, a functioning GI system. But let's be honest: it is pretty fun and interesting to see how everyone turned out.
I had good reason for wanting to dodge my high school reunion. Reasons, actually. Reason one, baldness. Never thought I'd be that sap whose bald, but fates a bastard, and here I am looking like some elongated cue ball. I'm also not successful. Not being super successful stinks. I'm not a screw up or anything, but everyone's got bold dreams in their youth. If I'd discovered the first living bigfoot or derived a unified theory or castrated Clinton, I still don't think I'd feel successful like I had attained enough success to justify attending my reunion.
Also, I'm kind of hoping to avoid the first three girls I screwed, when I was as awkward as an elephant on stilts.
And man I hate kids. Detest the little bastards. European kids I can handle, they are disciplined. American kids are spoiled f-ing brats. I almost need a pellet gun when I go out to eat these days to shut up all the rude brats I see. As I write this at the library, two kids are talking so loud they might as well be at a hockey game. Did not one explain the etiquette of a library to them? Were these ingrates simply released into the wild without any rearing whatsoever? Anyway, a third of a high school reunion is everyone talking about how great their kids are. Less than 1% do something great. Yet every parent tells you their kid is something special. I smell a dichotomy.
And who plans a high school reunion? Always the sort of sap who thinks they are actually cool. A sap, in other words. It is never someone cool, as they have better things to do. Thus the inherent tackiness which characterizes most high school reunions. Just once in human history, could some cool plan a high school reunion, and avoid the following pitfalls:
Classic music. A couple songs that were the rage in school is acceptable, but in general avoid the urge to play retro music. Avoid retro decorations too. Avoid yearbook pictures on nametags. Avoiding nametags would be even more ideal. High school reunions which work out well also have one paramount ingredient: plenty of cheap alcohol.
by. Terrece Scott
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